I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
