Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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