we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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