I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize