Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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