FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My ass is underappreciated
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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