i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
