do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
