I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
