I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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