My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
