I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
