Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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