I wish I could teleport
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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