thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
