btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
