You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
