We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
