I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
