i don't like sucking hair
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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