But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
