omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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