Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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