I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
