he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
