I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
