I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
