Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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