Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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