doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize