oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
