So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
