The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
