im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
