So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
