lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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