Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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