Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
