You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
