wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize