i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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