i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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