He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
