The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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