Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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