Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and she was petting her beer can
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
