So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
