no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
