Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
