he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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