Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
