Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
