A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
