god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
then he tried to convert me to islam
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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