Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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