a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You are the jesus of drinking
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
