hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We are all done wearing pants today
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
