is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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