What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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