I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
