Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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