Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
