I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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