it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize