The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
