Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
