Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
